


Starry Skies // Dark Minds

by MoonlightBreeze



Series: Whumptober 2020 [5]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (again only for about a line), (for like a line), (my first time using that tag whoop whoop), Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Feels, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Alec Lightwood-centric, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Homophobic Language, Hurt Alec Lightwood, I really don't give him those nice things, I sort of give him that hug, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kidnapped Alec Lightwood, Kidnapping, M/M, Major Character Injury, Nightmares, Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts, Supportive Magnus Bane, Torture, Whumptober 2020, in the past tense, no beta we die like men, okay now onto the serious tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:22:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26853631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightBreeze/pseuds/MoonlightBreeze
Summary: Alec has a nightmare about one of his worst memories, but Magnus is there for him afterwards. Or, in which Alec appreciates the stars, his husband, and the road to recovery after being kidnapped and held hostage for weeks.Whumptober 2020 prompt fic - Failed escapeHopeful/happy ending!Multiple warnings are present in this fic. Please, please read my tags!! <3
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Whumptober 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950094
Comments: 4
Kudos: 113
Collections: Fluff vs. Angst Battle 2020





	Starry Skies // Dark Minds

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! This fic was written for Day 5 of Whumptober, for this prompt: failed escape. I put my own unique spin on it after a discussion I had with my instructor in class today about the movie Beautiful Mind. I was just going to write the first part of this, where Alec tries to escape from his captors but doesn't succeed, but our discussion gave me the idea to make it all in his head. And so an unexpected nightmare fic was born! 
> 
> Warnings for this fic include: Kidnapping, torture, homophobia & homophobic slurs, major character injury, nightmares, very mild implied/referenced child abuse and implied/referenced self harm, mentions of suicidal thoughts in the past tense, and recovery. Please be sure to keep yourselves safe, and don't read if any of this could trigger you! <3
> 
> I really hope you like this!! Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) And as always, I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> ~ Em

Alec limped down the darkened corridor, nails grasping at the crumbling concrete wall for balance. He knew that, even though he couldn’t see them in the murky blackness of the abandoned building, his pants were stained crimson with blood from where they’d carved their hateful slogans into his thighs. He shuddered and tried not to think about the scars that would most likely mark his body for the rest of his life. He would have to look at them, look at _cocksucker_ carved crudely into his thigh every time he changed clothes or even wore shorts. He would have to look at them whenever he was alone with Magnus. 

If he ever made it back to Magnus. 

The ringing in Alec’s ears was starting again, and he clutched the wall so tightly that little bits of cement clung to his fingers. He stumbled forward doggedly. He could make it out. He had to make it out. 

There was a time when Alec would have given up, would have found one of their knives or stole a pistol from their belt and ended his own suffering. 

But he had a family now. He had Magnus, he had Max and Rafe and Jace and Izzy and his mother. He had people that loved him, people that cared about him, and they had helped him learn how to care about himself. Alec could almost chuckle at the irony of it. Of course the universe or God or whoever decided why kind, do-good history teachers, _fathers_ , should get kidnapped and tortured in an abandoned building for a week had posited that he deserved to go through this _after_ he overcame his suicidality. 

Alec almost wished that, if this had to happen, it would have happened five years ago. At least then he would have had the courage to put himself out of his misery. 

The corridor seemed to tilt before Alec’s eyes, and he stumbled forward a few steps, nearly tripping over a piece of a chair that had broken off. He hated this place. It smelled like exhaustion and tears and death. 

Alec wasn’t too sure about the layout of the building, but he thought that he was bound to run into something helpful or, optimistically, find an exit if he just kept moving. They would be back in an hour, maybe less; he had to keep moving. 

Even if he wasn’t blindly stumbling in the dark, Alec had a feeling he still wouldn’t know where he was going. The kidnappers had abducted him right outside the school and brought him directly to the room with the torture instruments, keeping a burlap sack over his head until they had arrived. He didn’t know one hallway from the next, and he was always shitty at guesswork. 

The thought of spending even more time in the abandoned building with the sick, twisted excuses of human beings that liked to spend all of their free time taking Alec apart in new, excruciating ways, made Alec want to keel over and accept death. He’d miss his family and he knew that they would miss him, but everyone had a breaking point, and he was way past his. He felt stretched thin and weary of the whole charade. If something didn’t change soon, he was afraid of what he might do, of what might happen.

The low chatter of voices suddenly grabbed Alec’s attention, and he flattened himself against the nearest wall, listening anxiously. 

“What do you mean, ‘he’s gone’?” 

“Look!” 

Alec didn’t wait to hear what they were talking about; he had a feeling he already knew. He pushed himself off of the wall, ignoring the way it made his vision swim for a minute. They were home. Now he had even less time than before. 

Alec made his way forward, tripping over small items littered on the floor of the corridor. He cursed to himself. He hoped he wasn’t making any noise. He was sure the kidnappers were hot on his trail, or at the very least aware that he was gone. He couldn’t go back to that little room with the torture and the hatred and the knowledge that his pain wasn’t going to end anytime soon. He _couldn’t_. He’d rather die. 

A tiny sliver of light began to take shape in the darkness, and Alec’s heart leaped. He scrambled forward, ignoring the way his legs screamed in protest. The closer he got, the larger the crack of light became, and Alec could now recognise that he was approaching a door to the outside. His heart thudding in his ribcage, Alec reached out a hand and began to feel for the handle. 

Suddenly, shouts rang out from behind him and Alec’s entire body seized with fear. They were close. They were going to find him. His fingers closed around the doorknob and he jiggled it frantically. It wouldn’t move, it wasn’t turning, _why wasn’t it working_ -

The door, Alec realised with horror, was locked. 

The shouts drew nearer and nearer, overlapping until all Alec could hear was white noise. His heart was beating so fast he feared it might jump out of his throat, and black spots appeared at the edges of his vision. He closed his eyes and waited, waited for them to find him and haul him back to where he started. He could already feel their grimy hands on him, hot and slick with sweat and the reminders of their sick, twisted acts that haunted his dreams when he tried to sleep - 

“Alexander.” The voice sounded far away, like it was coming through a tunnel. Alec blinked hard, trying to focus on the voice instead of his fear. This voice wasn’t like the others. 

“Alexander, I’m right here,” the voice cooed. “Wake up.” Alec tried to place the voice, but he couldn’t think over the static in his mind and the fear in his heart. 

The shouts were deafening. They were almost on him. Soon it would be back to square one, and all of Alec’s progress towards escaping would be lost. He didn’t think he could stand it. 

“Please, Alec,” the voice whispered. It was getting fainter. Alec bit his lip hard enough to draw blood, determined not to cry. He wouldn’t give them that satisfaction. 

A gloved hand touched his arm, and Alec screamed. 

“Alexander, _wake up_!”

Alec’s eyes flew open and he let out a startled cry, scrambling away from the touch on his arm. His hands clutched the blanket tightly and his eyes were blown wide with fear. Magnus watched from his side of the bed, concern etched into his features. He was worried, there was no doubt about that, but his eyes were free of judgement. 

“I’m sorry,” Magnus murmured. His hands were folded in his lap now, and he looked sheepish. “I know you don’t like being touched during one of your nightmares, but you wouldn’t wake up.”

“It’s okay,” Alec mumbled. His heart hadn’t stopped slamming into his ribcage yet, and he took a few deep breaths, trying to steady himself. He wasn’t with the kidnappers anymore. Magnus had saved him. He’d been rescued and they were all thrown in jail. He was home. He was safe. 

“Colour?” Magnus asked gently. Alec closed his eyes and thought about his answer for a few seconds. He and Magnus had devised the colour system shortly after his return from the hospital after being rescued. When he’d come home, Alec had been, for lack of a better phrase, completely fucked up. He couldn’t handle being touched at all for the first week, which made him feel guilty enough to relapse on old, punching-bag-dangerous habits when his sons wanted to hug their daddy after not seeing him for weeks on end. By the end of the first week, Magnus had proposed a colour system - green for okay with being touched, yellow for okay with some touches, and red for no touch - so he and the rest of Alec’s loved ones could help him adjust and recover better. 

He’d never said it, he didn’t think, but Alec appreciated it immensely. 

“Yellow,” Alec mumbled, and Magnus nodded, scooting closer to Alec’s side of the bed. He laid his hand on Alec’s thigh gently, palm up; an invitation. Alec slowly placed his hand in Magnus’s and inhaled shakily, running his fingers over Magnus’s rings and familiarizing himself with all of the lines of Magnus’s palms. 

Magnus’s hands felt different from the kidnappers’. They _were_ different. They were safe. 

“What do you need right now?” Magnus asked him, and Alec felt a few tears drip down his cheeks at Magnus’s words. His husband had been so kind, so supportive, so _perfect_ and he didn’t understand how Magnus could look at him and still see the same person, still see the same Alec, the same silly father who’d gotten flour all over their kitchen trying to make a birthday cake for Max, the same man that he had married. 

Alec didn’t understand, but he didn’t have to, and he knew that Magnus would be there for him whenever he needed it. This wasn’t the first time he had woken up screaming, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. He took a deep breath and tried to clear his mind. What did he want? What did he need? The idea of going back to sleep was gone as soon as it entered his mind, and Alec still felt staticky and wrong enough to not want more than the current hand-holding his partner was giving him in the way of touch. 

After a few beats’ worth of silence, Alec said, “Can we go for a walk?”

“Of course,” Magnus replied easily. He stood up and snapped his fingers, changing them both into appropriate clothing without letting go of Alec’s hand. “I’ll leave a note for the boys.” Another snap, and Alec knew there was a piece of paper in the kitchen explaining where they’d gone, should Max and Rafe happen to wake up and wonder. 

“Do you want to go to the park?” Magnus offered after they’d left the apartment and started down the flight of stairs towards the entrance to Magnus’s building. “It’s not too far from here.”

Alec nodded wordlessly. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to see the stars. He _needed_ to see the stars. But he was too afraid to go alone, and besides that, he didn’t want to. And with Magnus next to him, he knew he didn’t have to. 

The pair walked in silence for a few minutes as they made their way to the park before Magnus spoke up. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Alec appreciated what he was trying to do, but his heart was already beating abnormally fast just from being outside. This was where they had gotten him last time; outside, at night. The last thing he wanted to do was think about them and what he’d been through. He knew he’d have to face his fear eventually, but he would work up to that. For now, he thought he deserved to be a little agoraphobic and choose when, where, and how to discuss what had happened to him. Magnus seemed to agree; Alec knew that he was doing his best to leave everything up to Alec right now, reaffirm to him that he was the one in control. 

So Alec shook his head, and Magnus didn’t press, giving his hand a soft, reassuring squeeze instead. 

They reached the park in a few minutes and Alec chose a park bench for them to sit on that gave them a full view of the night sky, peppered with blinking silver stars. He exhaled shakily and stared up at them, drinking in the magnificent view. God, he’d missed this. 

His keen eyes identified several constellations, and he pointed them out, one by one, to Magnus, who listened attentively to his every word. Alec felt a rush of affection for his husband so strong that it made his eyes fill with tears. Everyone _said_ those marriage vows, but it took a special kind of person to uphold them when faced with something like this. Magnus had never wavered, never even considered not being there for Alec during every step of his recovery, and it made Alec’s chest swell with love every time he thought about it. 

Alec moved infinitesimally closer to Magnus and slowly laid his head on Magnus’s shoulder. Magnus, to his benefit, said nothing. He merely smiled down at Alec and adjusted their position so he could hold the younger man against his side. It was simple, easy; it was Alec’s decision and his alone. It was everything that he needed. He didn’t think he’d ever felt more grateful to have married someone like Magnus. 

The stars twinkled overhead, and Alec took a deep, steadying breath. It was easy to forget that the world could be beautiful after what he’d gone through, but calm moments like these were what reminded him that there was still good in it. He’d never liked the stars before, never really thought twice about them before he found himself without them for weeks. He took them for granted. 

Alec swore to himself that he would never take anything for granted again, least of all beautiful things like the stars or Magnus or his family and friends. 

Turning just enough so he could press his face into the crook of Magnus’s neck while still keeping his gaze on the stars above, Alec released the breath he’d been holding while his thoughts swirled into a maelstrom in his mind and began to cry. 

He cried for Max and Rafe, who’d lost a dad without even fully understanding how or why. He cried for Jace and Izzy and all of the times they’d cried over him, wondering where he was and if he was okay and if they would ever see him again. He cried for his mother, who had thought she lost the child she’d spent a quarter of her life trying to apologise to. He cried for Magnus, who was suddenly thrown into the role of supporter, caretaker, father, and husband all at once. And he cried for himself, and all he’d been through, and all he still had yet to face. He cried for the past, the present, and the future. 

And all the while Magnus said nothing, holding his husband until he had cried himself hoarse and the starry skies had disappeared and turned to an early-morning haze, signaling that the day was about to begin. Magnus exchanged a questioning glance with Alec, who nodded at him, and they started for home once more. 

It wasn’t okay, and sometimes Alec didn’t feel like it would be ever again, but he knew that, if everything else in the world hurt or didn’t make sense or made him feel too lost down a lonely road all by himself, Magnus was his one constant. Magnus was always there, always present, even when he couldn’t help, and his dedication was and would always be priceless to Alec. 

Alec knew that he could always count on Magnus to pick up the broken pieces of himself each time he fell, bundle him back up, and take him home once again. 

**Author's Note:**

> [Stalk me on Tumblr](http://moonlight-breeze-44.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Prompts are open, but very slow! Thank you for your patience <3
> 
> Want to scream about Shadowhunters (and other fandoms, too!) with like-minded people? Need help or encouragement with your writing/drawing/creating? Desire a community, a place where you feel at home and happy? Lover of chaos? [Join our Discord server](https://discord.gg/82pvdE39fD) for tons of chaotic fun! We welcome everyone, and we'd love to have you. <3


End file.
